10 year ago, life was full of hopes for me. Knowing that I would graduated from high school, enroll myself to a local college and do university and become an architect or an engineer. Having a career like my uncle would give me steady and fulfilling life. Buy a sports car and make that my hobby for the rest of my life. Love the person I love and love her forever. Grow old and enjoy every second I live.
5 years later, I couldn’t do math and didn’t go on with architecture or engineering. Did Mass Communication and decided to become a Film Director. Have great hopes to becoming a prominent filmmaker and make great films and hopefully these films will educate the country I’m living in about 1 or 2 things. Got myself a sports car and enjoyed every bit of it. Have great hopes on making it a great car. Planned all the things and setup that I could do to the car while saving up cash to get it done. Broke off with the girl I loved but the experience wasn’t good enough to pull me down. The journey begins now.
Now…..I’m not doing what I wanted to be in the industry. And this path of being a location manager is not gonna take me any nearer in becoming a film director. I’m only making by and having some debt here and there. Car’s engine blown and now is sitting at home collecting a good amount of dust. Had another 2 more girlfriends and they’ve decided that I’m not the guy they want and I got dumped. The girl I love now can’t stand me anymore and my sensible self is only telling me to let go. My living condition now at home is like shit and I’m responsible over someone else’s responsibility because I find it hard to say no.
Now that I look at it, my life has been quite off the plan. Definitely not how I wanted it to be. I’ve come to a point that I’ve lost my confidence. Lost my dignity as a man and not hoping for anything anymore. Stability in life is a struggle for me everyday. 5 years of striving and no results in return. I constantly evaluate myself and to only realize I’m not good enough for anything I do or I care about. This life I’m having right now is not what I wanted. This shithole I’m stuck in will stain me for the rest of my life. The key now is to get out of this shithole.
Honestly, I’ve attempted all ways to get out and I’m still here. My last resort is to end whatever I could and start all over again.
